Switch bitch! Ahem...sorry, I don't know where that came from....
I feel like I am loosing my little mind!!! I really think I need to start reading instead of watching tv.
Television seems to pull this on me. If I watch too much or feel I'm getting addicted I start to loose my mind! I get restless and loose sight of what I need to do. I feel like I've been twiddling my thumbs for weeks - what the hell?!
Last night I was feeling blue because I realized how far I am from my dream and where I need to go seems like it will be an eternity! I haven't done nearly as much as I wanted and I feel like such a failure. That just means I have to change my approach completely. How? I have no idea... I need to regroup and get my act together!! Hmmm I will start today! I work at 5 so I have the whole day - well half the day (yeah I slept in. Who's the champ? This moi).
I think I'll park myself outside, go for a walk and think things out. When I'm done that I'll go to the gym and then head to work.
Ever since I was a little wee one I ALWAYS needed my sleep or I'd turn into Super Bitch and eat your face off. It has evolved to me needing too much sleep. I tried everything! I wake up early but then I crash and end up having 13 hours of sleep! I try going to bed early and hope to wake up early but no! I wake up at the same time!! I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 10! No matter what I try, I always HAVE to wake up at 10! I put my alarm on for 7:30am and I end up shutting it off in my doze state when it goes off. There is no helping me... my boyfriend now is back on afternoons and when he was on mornings, him getting up at 5:30am would help me get up early but now I just sleep in like no one's business. He still gets up at an early hour either 7 or 8 he's up. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to get into the habit of getting up at 7:30 or 8 so I can at least take 9:30 classes at the gym and start my day earlier.
Any suggestions? HELP!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
So far so good
I'm sticking to going to the gym! That's right! I'll be kicking asses before you know it!
I've been having a good week... I had a really good audition for a play and I landed a role in a short film! It's a cute romantic comedy - I'm so excited! I also went partying in Niagra Falls for my best friend's birthday and I had a blast! We partied hard that's for sure. I wanted to throw a party for one of my other best friends before she heads back to Montreal but I'll be filming that weekend so who knows what will go down. It might be a short notice thing but that's what makes it fun.
I haven't been writing as much as I've wanted though, but I think that's okay since I'm doing more acting - finally!! I just need a paying gig now.... sooo badly. Where's my acting money?! I'm broke bitches I'm broke! I'll be spending my week learning my lines and figuring out what to do with my character. I have her pretty much in my mind but if I want to take this whole acting thing seriously I guess I should do some research and get a real feel for her.
I had a really nice talk with my dad today. We were talking about drumming and he was letting me in on what he's had to deal with. He was telling me how the drummer is the silent leader of the group. You'd think it was the singer or lead guitarist but no! That's right....the drummer is the one in control of everything. The drummer is the back bone of the band obviously because we keep the beat. If you don't have proper time and a beat, you're screwed and you're not a good drummer if you can't keep a beat. He was telling me stories about all the different bands he's been in and how funny it is that no one but the drummer really knows how to keep time yet they always tell the drummer what to do. He told me to tell the band that you're going to do whatever you want to do and to not take crap from anyone! He said to know your limits and know your skills and don't let the band boss you around because when show time arrives, they have to follow you. It was really nice to hear what he had to say. I've only been in one band and I have so much more respect for musicians than ever. I don't know how they do it. I think I would go crazy being in a band. Too many egos going around... if I ever found a good group of people, maybe they could change my mind. For now though...I think I'll stick to playing in my parent's basement.
I've been having a good week... I had a really good audition for a play and I landed a role in a short film! It's a cute romantic comedy - I'm so excited! I also went partying in Niagra Falls for my best friend's birthday and I had a blast! We partied hard that's for sure. I wanted to throw a party for one of my other best friends before she heads back to Montreal but I'll be filming that weekend so who knows what will go down. It might be a short notice thing but that's what makes it fun.
I haven't been writing as much as I've wanted though, but I think that's okay since I'm doing more acting - finally!! I just need a paying gig now.... sooo badly. Where's my acting money?! I'm broke bitches I'm broke! I'll be spending my week learning my lines and figuring out what to do with my character. I have her pretty much in my mind but if I want to take this whole acting thing seriously I guess I should do some research and get a real feel for her.
I had a really nice talk with my dad today. We were talking about drumming and he was letting me in on what he's had to deal with. He was telling me how the drummer is the silent leader of the group. You'd think it was the singer or lead guitarist but no! That's right....the drummer is the one in control of everything. The drummer is the back bone of the band obviously because we keep the beat. If you don't have proper time and a beat, you're screwed and you're not a good drummer if you can't keep a beat. He was telling me stories about all the different bands he's been in and how funny it is that no one but the drummer really knows how to keep time yet they always tell the drummer what to do. He told me to tell the band that you're going to do whatever you want to do and to not take crap from anyone! He said to know your limits and know your skills and don't let the band boss you around because when show time arrives, they have to follow you. It was really nice to hear what he had to say. I've only been in one band and I have so much more respect for musicians than ever. I don't know how they do it. I think I would go crazy being in a band. Too many egos going around... if I ever found a good group of people, maybe they could change my mind. For now though...I think I'll stick to playing in my parent's basement.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
So...sore...
That's right! I did it! I signed up for a gym membership and I plan to use it!! It's my job to be in great shape as an actor so I need to bring it!
Did I mention that I'M SOO SORE!?! I took a martial arts/aerobics class and it kicked my ass. I went swimming this morning so I could give my joints some ease. I really should have gone for a massage instead. I'm soo sor- oh yeah, I already told you that.
But I'm SOY (yes, I said 'soy') excited about getting in shape! I'm going to try to go at least 5 days a week and soon enough I'll be in tip top shape! I hope... I'm even seeing a change in my attitude! The endorphins are really kicking in quick. I feel peppy a lot more than I used to. I feel more relaxed too because I let out a lot of energy.
I took Ness out for a walk and he did so well! He doesn't like Toronto very much, too many people and it freaks him out and he begs for me to pick him up. Not this time - well, a couple times when the crowds were too big, also he could get stepped on so I had to rescue him. He walked in front of me and beside me and listened to everything I told him! It was so cute when he was chasing the pigeons away. For those that don't know, Ness is my Chihuahua (even though he kinda looks like a mini deer).
Did I mention that I'M SOO SORE!?! I took a martial arts/aerobics class and it kicked my ass. I went swimming this morning so I could give my joints some ease. I really should have gone for a massage instead. I'm soo sor- oh yeah, I already told you that.
But I'm SOY (yes, I said 'soy') excited about getting in shape! I'm going to try to go at least 5 days a week and soon enough I'll be in tip top shape! I hope... I'm even seeing a change in my attitude! The endorphins are really kicking in quick. I feel peppy a lot more than I used to. I feel more relaxed too because I let out a lot of energy.
I took Ness out for a walk and he did so well! He doesn't like Toronto very much, too many people and it freaks him out and he begs for me to pick him up. Not this time - well, a couple times when the crowds were too big, also he could get stepped on so I had to rescue him. He walked in front of me and beside me and listened to everything I told him! It was so cute when he was chasing the pigeons away. For those that don't know, Ness is my Chihuahua (even though he kinda looks like a mini deer).
Friday, September 11, 2009
Oprah patrol...that's right!
So... it's the Toronto International Film Festival and guess who's going to be there??? Well, everyone - including the love of my life....OPRAH! I won't be doing the lame thing by standing out with thousands by the red carpet, no. I'm going to do the creepy kind of fan thing and patrol the ritzy areas of where she could be going/staying. Just seeing her would be enough. I wouldn't even know what to say to her if I ever did meet her. Probably something cliche and lame like "I love you, you have changed my life and opened my mind to so many things! You're my idol, my hero, my one and only"... okay maybe too much...
I've been feeling so down, restless and agitated lately. I thought it was boredom at first but I then realized that I missed playing drums. It's been months since I've been able to sit down and play to MY music. I could always go to my folks place and practice but it's such a trek. I'm thinking of going to Rehearsal Factory someday and rent out a room to just practice for an hour. I was crying because I feel like a piece of my soul is slowly getting further from me. I can't go for a long time without a stage or playing. I haven't acted with other actors in sooo long. Acting and performing is a big part of who I am and I recently been feeling like I'm about to explode!
It's like a big ball of energy is inside me just waiting to get out... it's like I want to run laps around my apartment building and scream at the top of my lungs! I just have to get out there!!
I have an audition tomorrow (thank god) and I will use that as a chance to perform. As short as auditions are, I need those short moments to remind myself of why I'm doing this. Those little moments that I get to act give me such confidence and inner peace, it makes all the rejection and struggles worth it because once I do land something... it's going to be great! I could act all day every day!!
I also realized that Drums give me the same affect. I never thought drumming was a big part of me and who I was. I just saw drums as something to do when I'm bored. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I've been having the biggest urge to lock myself in a room for hours and just play till my hearts content! Someday soon I will. I need to. I have to. For my sanity!!
I've been feeling so down, restless and agitated lately. I thought it was boredom at first but I then realized that I missed playing drums. It's been months since I've been able to sit down and play to MY music. I could always go to my folks place and practice but it's such a trek. I'm thinking of going to Rehearsal Factory someday and rent out a room to just practice for an hour. I was crying because I feel like a piece of my soul is slowly getting further from me. I can't go for a long time without a stage or playing. I haven't acted with other actors in sooo long. Acting and performing is a big part of who I am and I recently been feeling like I'm about to explode!
It's like a big ball of energy is inside me just waiting to get out... it's like I want to run laps around my apartment building and scream at the top of my lungs! I just have to get out there!!
I have an audition tomorrow (thank god) and I will use that as a chance to perform. As short as auditions are, I need those short moments to remind myself of why I'm doing this. Those little moments that I get to act give me such confidence and inner peace, it makes all the rejection and struggles worth it because once I do land something... it's going to be great! I could act all day every day!!
I also realized that Drums give me the same affect. I never thought drumming was a big part of me and who I was. I just saw drums as something to do when I'm bored. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I've been having the biggest urge to lock myself in a room for hours and just play till my hearts content! Someday soon I will. I need to. I have to. For my sanity!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
An actor's life for me...
I've been thinking about my life. I've always treasured the simple things such as my art, not getting swept up in materials. I wish I could just lock myself up in a room all day and write with no distractions. I feel like my creativity is being sucked from me living with so many distractions. I only have myself to blame. Work is actually forcing me to write more. Whenever I'm working lunch and I have a couple hours to spare till I have to work at dinner again, I write. There's so much I want to say and express that I feel overwhelmed. Maybe writing isn't the best way to go about it. I used to do sketches...maybe I can take up sketching...
LIGHT BULB!!
Perhaps I should look into making a short film... something to get my juices going... good old blog! I get the best ideas when I write in this puppy! Now the question is... what to write about...hmm...writer's block? Lame... or is it?? Yes, it is.
I want to just escape somewhere. I really need that loan. At least for Jan and Feb because work is going to be so dead. I could use that time to travel! Oh yeah..it's all coming together.
I know I'm not going through this alone...
I think I would be epically lost without CJ to inspire me. I'm already lost but even more so if he weren't there. I feel sad when he's not here. I bounce like a puppy when I see him. He makes me laugh and I enjoy everything so much more with him by my side. I feel like I can do anything. He gives me all the freedom to do whatever I want and that's what I need most. I wouldn't have gotten through these past two years as well if it weren't for him. He moved to Toronto for me...he HATES Toronto. I'll always be grateful. So here's to CJ, who keeps me on track and shows and tells me everyday how much he loves me.
LIGHT BULB!!
Perhaps I should look into making a short film... something to get my juices going... good old blog! I get the best ideas when I write in this puppy! Now the question is... what to write about...hmm...writer's block? Lame... or is it?? Yes, it is.
I want to just escape somewhere. I really need that loan. At least for Jan and Feb because work is going to be so dead. I could use that time to travel! Oh yeah..it's all coming together.
I know I'm not going through this alone...
I think I would be epically lost without CJ to inspire me. I'm already lost but even more so if he weren't there. I feel sad when he's not here. I bounce like a puppy when I see him. He makes me laugh and I enjoy everything so much more with him by my side. I feel like I can do anything. He gives me all the freedom to do whatever I want and that's what I need most. I wouldn't have gotten through these past two years as well if it weren't for him. He moved to Toronto for me...he HATES Toronto. I'll always be grateful. So here's to CJ, who keeps me on track and shows and tells me everyday how much he loves me.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
ohhh politics...
So, my friend showed me this article from CNN about how Obama wants input on the teacher's lessons to make sure that children work hard and stay in school. Apparently republican parents were outraged because they thought he would fill their children's minds with "socialistic propaganda" riiiiiiiiggghhhhttt..... cause Obama is a socialist... I don't think they understand socialism. People need to relax on that I think. You're America, (fuck yeah!) you're a first world country, you have freedom of speach, your biggest problem is that you're obese... you don't have it that bad. This isn't China so stop throwing around the word communism and socialism like you know what you're talking about. Also, did you forget who your last president was?? The mess he left for Obama...please calm down and have patience. Yes your economy sucks so I understand that you're frustrated, but he is working on it!! It's going to take a long time. He even said that it will be years before you start to see some improvement and it hasn't even been one year and you're freaking out! He has people working on the economy so while that is going on, how bad is it that he's working on making your health care availible for everyone and your kids stay in school? Apparently that makes him an evil dictator... that is messed.
Anywho, I said something about it on my status on facebook and was shocked as hell when people were AGAINST me! Who knew I had crazy conservatives on my facebook.... I'm not huge on politics, but it really upset me to see how upset people were, and were saying "Huessien Obama is a communist" and crap like that - and I live in Canada!! We have free health care (which is kinda what Obama wants for his country) and instead of going "yeah baby! Health care here is awesome! I don't have to worry about going broke if I get sick. Go Obama!" No... he's evil. Yes it's going to be rocky cause obviously, he's changing the health care system it's a work in progress. How dare he try to give poor people a helping hand...that asshole....
Okay, I said what I wanted to say. I'm done with politics. Everyone has their oppinion and no one will budge so there's no point in getting people angry...especially stupid people that don't agree with me....har har
Anywho, I said something about it on my status on facebook and was shocked as hell when people were AGAINST me! Who knew I had crazy conservatives on my facebook.... I'm not huge on politics, but it really upset me to see how upset people were, and were saying "Huessien Obama is a communist" and crap like that - and I live in Canada!! We have free health care (which is kinda what Obama wants for his country) and instead of going "yeah baby! Health care here is awesome! I don't have to worry about going broke if I get sick. Go Obama!" No... he's evil. Yes it's going to be rocky cause obviously, he's changing the health care system it's a work in progress. How dare he try to give poor people a helping hand...that asshole....
Okay, I said what I wanted to say. I'm done with politics. Everyone has their oppinion and no one will budge so there's no point in getting people angry...especially stupid people that don't agree with me....har har
Friday, September 4, 2009
Allergies are killing me!!
I've been having the hardest time sleeping lately. Waking up in the middle of the night to blow my nose...stupid nose... due to this I've been feeling so frail. I'm not used to feeling so slow and defeated going to work - I'm not even sick! Speaking of work, I've been getting pretty good money from work so hopefully I can afford a class!! Clearly I haven't been working out since I've been feeling so weak. I haven't been eating so great either...ahem...cheesecake and pasta is healthy though, right...?
Talk is cheap. Its so easy to psych yourself up to do greater things but then you get lazy and sometimes you don't even have the energy to face the world.
I saw an advertisement for Dove about how they're trying to gain more self esteem on girls. I think it's fantastic! As an actress I find it so hard to get ahead because of the competition. It's not just about talent these days... the girls I'm up against are sizes 2-6. Even if I was an amazing actress, I wouldn't get as much of a chance landing roles being a size 8. That's why I'm always slapping my wrist for not working out everyday and eating cheesecake. It's so unfair that you have so many actors of different shapes and sizes with no problem getting work. Majority of actresses HAVE to be small and pretty. You can count on your hand the actresses with "character" but when it comes to actors, they have it a lot easier. Micheal Cera who - let's face it - isn't your traditional leading man, but that awkwardness he has works for him and he's the leading man of the decade! Nerds are in! Yet, even if they want the nerd girl, she still is gorgeous. Hell, Ugly Betty (America Ferrera) is lovely!!
So that's my rant! Till next time
Talk is cheap. Its so easy to psych yourself up to do greater things but then you get lazy and sometimes you don't even have the energy to face the world.
I saw an advertisement for Dove about how they're trying to gain more self esteem on girls. I think it's fantastic! As an actress I find it so hard to get ahead because of the competition. It's not just about talent these days... the girls I'm up against are sizes 2-6. Even if I was an amazing actress, I wouldn't get as much of a chance landing roles being a size 8. That's why I'm always slapping my wrist for not working out everyday and eating cheesecake. It's so unfair that you have so many actors of different shapes and sizes with no problem getting work. Majority of actresses HAVE to be small and pretty. You can count on your hand the actresses with "character" but when it comes to actors, they have it a lot easier. Micheal Cera who - let's face it - isn't your traditional leading man, but that awkwardness he has works for him and he's the leading man of the decade! Nerds are in! Yet, even if they want the nerd girl, she still is gorgeous. Hell, Ugly Betty (America Ferrera) is lovely!!
So that's my rant! Till next time
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Debt managing
Just had a great convo with my best friend, talked about what's going on in our lives. I'm going to investigate getting a loan to pay for my acting classes. I nearly had a heart attack today... I couldn't find my receipt for my imac that I got a couple months ago to put in my taxes forms. I have a new computer to edit videos and a great camcorder to MAKE videos...so what am I doing sitting on my butt? The whole reason I got them was to use them to my advantage - GASP!
I have an audition in a couple days and they gave me sides to read but they didn't specify who they wanted me to read for. I asked but they didn't get back to me....LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!
I have a camera.....I have a computer....I have a script....how about I video tape me doing all the characters in the readings and send it to them?! Plus, I don't have to worry about being late for work! Its almost too perfect...we shall see what happens! Yes!! Victory!!
Everything is slowly coming together.... except I'm still very lazy and can't get the energy to go running everyday like I promised. Ho hum, pigs bum.
I could also put the loan towards a gym membership... hmmm very interesting...
Anywho, I'm off to bed! Nighty Night!
I have an audition in a couple days and they gave me sides to read but they didn't specify who they wanted me to read for. I asked but they didn't get back to me....LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!
I have a camera.....I have a computer....I have a script....how about I video tape me doing all the characters in the readings and send it to them?! Plus, I don't have to worry about being late for work! Its almost too perfect...we shall see what happens! Yes!! Victory!!
Everything is slowly coming together.... except I'm still very lazy and can't get the energy to go running everyday like I promised. Ho hum, pigs bum.
I could also put the loan towards a gym membership... hmmm very interesting...
Anywho, I'm off to bed! Nighty Night!
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