Earth 2 Angie

I NEED MONEYYYYY!!!!

2012-01-06T16:01:00.001-08:00

Okay, I'll try to not sound so desperate... but my friend and I are making a movie about two actresses from Toronto going down to L.A and crash Hollywood. The problem is, the two of us are sooo broke we can't even register our production company to get investors... you see the dilemma?
We have a budget and everything, we just need $25,000 to go towards the movie and getting the proper paper work etc. Her and I each need to raise $12,500 to pull this off! We truly believe this movie will be hilarious and the talk of all the film festivals! Once we get the money there is no stopping us! So I'm asking - begging you to please ask someone if they would be interested in being an executive producer on this project and make a young hopeful's dreams come true and be an investor for this film! You will not be disappointed!!
Check out our teaser we created for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGdlUWxLl3E&context=C3d70a5aADOEgsToPDskLjiGdyIGLki2y2v8Un1j7o

everything's coming up Milhouse!

2011-11-22T06:07:00.000-08:00

so i'm finally writing in my blog again. i'm writing with my black berry and it apparently doesn't believe in capitals? i swear i'm not an idiot. we will have to live with lower case letters for this blog entry. ho hum pigs bum (i stole that line from a book)

things have been going swell lately! i still plan on going to los angeles to pitch my movie but this time my friend and i decided to make a movie about going there! it will be a mockumentry! so excited! i'm asking around and reading about producing your own movie. luckily with a premise like this it will be easier and cheaper to make. also if we get a second movie deal out of it, that would be kick ass! there's more to talk about but i'm soo not feeling my black berry right now. i'll wait till i get home. until then, keep fit and have fun!

sleepy time

2011-11-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

I am such a slumber bunny as my boyfriend calls me. I could spend all day in bed. That would be kick ass. Maybe I could be one of those 700 pound women that make money taking pictures of themselves and then just stay in bed and eat. What a life... uh... second thought... ewww.
I am done my screenplay!! I just need to send it over to my editor (AKA mom) and then find myself a literary agent etc etc.
I am getting more antsy to write now that it's done. I've been feeling like I have more to say but I can't quite put my finger on it.
You know what would help with going to LA and getting myself off the ground? Money. So if anyone cares to give me thousands of dollars for me to crash LA for a bit and make it, that would be GREAT! I do NOT do sexual favors but I give a darn good pout. "Please sir, I want your money". Work is going pretty well so I'm crossing my fingers so I can get it together in time.
So yeah, normally I would blog more but I can't keep my eyes open - OH I went to Vancouver last weekend for a childrens show I'm in and it was THE BOMB!!!! So gorgeous and the client treated us amazingly!! Had an awesome room at the Pan Pacific and even had a limo to and from the airport!
That is all... oh, and give me money.

Love,

NG

Time to party!

2011-10-21T20:02:00.001-07:00

Sup y'all,
for the record I am not southern, or even American. I organized my place and feeling good about it so I am ready for my Halloween party!! I don't really know what I'll be yet... I think I'll put on a fat suit and be me in the next decade oooohhh.
I just saw people lighting fireworks on the rooftop of a condo so that was exciting... always nice to see pretty colors (my boyfriend once said to me, "I feel like I should dangle keys in your face some times" - I agree).
I'm curious what people's feeling are about plastic surgery. I don't only mean getting your face pulled back but also spa's that do crazy facials and force you to hide away for a week before people see "the new you". That stuff scares me and I know I'm only twenty-five so my opinion may change, but I don't see how looking like a fish is a good thing. I look at some Hollywood actresses that should calm down with the botox *cough* Nicole Kidman *cough* and it's horrifying! No one looks like that! Isn't the point of botox to make yourself look younger, not plastic?
Also on another random note (yeah can you tell I have no theme going on with this blog) Kendra Wilkinson's kid is ADORABLE!! He is just too cute for words! I squeal every time I see him. I have had bad baby fever lately... does something happen to women when they hit their mid twenties that they get baby fever? I went through wedding fever a couple years ago and got over it, hopefully the same thing happens with this. This is why I want to be a movie star; so I can afford to have a big litter of kids. That is my big dream. Have my own production company so I can take control of my career and have 4 kids... that's right - 4!! Lord help me... I'm not even religious.
So now you know more about me... I'm not American or religious. Stay tuned!

Cleaning out my closet

2011-10-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

Not Eminem style but for real. Actually, I'm cleaning out my whole place and getting it organized so I can function a little more. I just want a clean, pretty, fresh space to live in to help pick me up. My place right now is cluttered and... lame. I live with my boyfriend and it looks like a boys apartment. Eww. Sooo I'm going to be a wild woman and gut out my apartment and the next week finish my screenplay. I'm going to a call back today and I really hope I get it so I can afford to take time off to get done everything I need to get done. As soon as November hits it's going to be crazy-town! Christmas season will start and I will be making sweet sweet money! If everything gets done before November that would be perfect! I don't have to think about anything but making money so I can save for LA!! Also my sister and I are going on a healthy lifestyle change and switching to organic. We're both poor so we can't be completely organic but enough. Also we'll save on not dining out for food.
Things are starting to happen for my bf and I! It feels like this year was about the prep and next year will be the execution of our dreams. It's very scary and exciting. Even for the "Starving Actors Group" we have Millie Tom, a casting director in Toronto, coming to teach our class!! And my baby got a gig as a video game journalist and personality for ballsrog.com! YAY! We couldn't be happier and with the end of the year coming up and we're even more excited for what 2012 will bring! Oh yeah and I'm going to be in a temporary band for ten weeks. Did I mention I'm the drummer in a band? Yeah, I'm a drummer in a band.

WWWWWOOOOOOOOOWWWWW Where am I??

2011-10-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,
I have not written in this blog for centuries... and by centuries I mean months which is the same in blog years. So what has been going on since I have last blogged... well, I have done more traveling this year than I have in my life combined! I went to California to visit family, took my advance Landmark course (don't ask what that is, just google it) and auditioned for the Groundlings training company ( I got in - BOO YA!). I also have the best sister in the world that took me to New York City for my 25th birthday and we did the tourist stuff, and even saw the Spider-man musical! My first broadway show! No better first show to see than the most expensive one (and I only spent $30 on my ticket. Again, BOO YA!). I also work from time to time with a children's entertainment company that sent me to Regina to do a show and it was one of the best experiences of my life next to California! In August I went to Montreal with my best friend and we had a blast! Then, in a couple weeks I will be sent to Vancouver for another show and hopefully meet family I have there FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!
I also have completed my second draft of my screenplay and I'm struggling as hell with the third one right now. I actually really like my script which is a first for me to really like something I wrote but I'm struggling with getting people's feedback. I think I've sent the script to ten people and maybe four got back to me. I get it's a lot to ask people to read 110 pg movie but if it's good it should be easy right??? Right??? I have no idea... What else has been going on since I last blogged... I have a new agent and I've been auditioning quite a lot. I also put together "Starving Actors Group" which is a $5 acting class that goes on every other week for actors that can't afford training. We have real coaches or casting directors come in as a way of advertising their skills and casting directors get to seek new talent. It's been going amazing so far and now through a breakdown, I'm regrouping to have myself relieved of it's duties so I can manage a charity event and get ready to head back to California in January! So that's all....

At the moment though, my mind has been overwhelmed with what has been going on politically in the world. I think people are beyond their breaking point and shit is hitting the fan. I think the government is panicking more than the people at the way they've been arresting protesters for nothing. My mind has been non stop thinking about what if this happened and what if things were like this, that would be interesting, that would be crazy, would this change the world? I think too many people are telling you what to think, feel, do... no one has the answers. No one has the truth. What is the truth? What is real? What is right? What is wrong - oh no I just went cross-eyed...

Do people really want peace? I secretly think no one wants peace. It's so far their comprehension that if things are good they sabotage by getting too greedy, or jealous or preachy... it goes on. I have an idea of what I believe in... maybe it's the fact that it's not concrete is the problem... maybe my problem is my belief... I believe in minding your own business. As long as you're not hurting anyone and you want to keep growing and help others what's the problem?
Right now... with all this madness all I can really do is make sure I do the best I can at everything I do. I'm going in at one hundred percent. That was my problem before. Everything was "good enough". Except it's not good enough if it can be better. If I actually do it the best way I know how, then everything will come together and it will look effortless. This blog is the beginning of that. I better make sure my spelling and grammar are okay....eeek!

HAHAHAHAHA I'm funny

2011-03-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Yes that was me laughing at my own joke that no one but me heard. Oh jolly good fun. I'm back in freezing Toronto missing the California sunshine and smog. We have enough here to keep the memories alive but it's not the same :(
I had an amazing time there and I plan on going back in the summer to get my movie on track! I'm trying to hold off on giving myself too many projects which I did in the past to overwhelm myself and then end up not finishing anything. Super smart eh?
The project I'm making for myself is to create a huge comedy showcase to raise money for Japan. It's so sad what's been going on there and it really puts things into prospective. Reminds you of what's important. I could insert a joke here but I feel that would be bad form....
But yes, we all want to do something to help so here is your chance! I'll keep you updated on how it's going and the details and you can go see a fun show and help out Japan at the same time!

California girl!

2011-03-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

What's this? What's this? There's Pom Trees everywhere! What's this? There's sunlight in the air. What's this? Could it be I got my wish? What's this?
Yes!!! I made it to California! I traveled all day yesterday and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was OUT. I woke up to sunshine and I leaped out of bed! My lovely aunt made me breakfast and I went for a walk. It was amazing! It's 80 degrees out right now and I could feel my skin soaking up the sun. I walked around the neighborhood and a lot of the houses reminded me of The Flinstones movie. Pom trees all over the place and funny looking bushes and even these lizard looking things were running around the gardens. Behind the house are hills and it's so peaceful and nice here! I could definitely get used to this. I can't wait to get my rental car so I can go downtown Los Angeles and check everything out. I'll for sure stop by a coffee shop and whip out my laptop where all the other screenwriters go and fit in that way mwahaha. No wonder everyone in LA is skinny, all you want to do here is go outside and play! Well, I think we're ready to go for our walk! Until next time!

New Year, New Goals

2011-03-03T00:14:00.001-08:00

This year already has been epic! I'm actually going to Los Angeles in less than a week to take a seminar that is part of Landmark and hopefully through that I'll meet people in the business and on my way to making my film - oh yes I forgot to tell you (well, there's a lot I didn't tell you) I wrote another screenplay in January and I'm continuing to re-write it and make changes so I can get it made. After making that movie, I would like to make my own production company so I can make the films I want to make and create jobs for people who I know are very talented, and yet no one will take chances on them. (I can also cast myself mwhaha). My sketch troupe has been getting a lot of shows lately and unfortunately I've been sick and missed one and will miss another getting ready to leave for L.A. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time! I have no idea what to expect and I'm just trying to be prepared and take in as much as I can.
I also started a new job last month serving tables again which I'm so glad I did, I work part-time and make decent money. My life is a lot more stable and I'm a lot happier than I was last year that's for sure. I've been trying to make good choices in my life and create possibilities everyday. I'm way busier than I have been in a while and I love it! My mother even got me on this organic diet which I was skeptical of at first but if you saw the change in my mom you'd go organic as well. She looks amazing!! Some people think she's a friend of mine! I went on a really big health kick for a week and I haven't felt that great in a long time. I was so proud of myself until I fell off the band wagon for a bit, which I think I did on purpose. The mind likes familiarity so going back to eating like crap and not working out added a comfortable feeling to misery. On top of that, I got sick (no kidding) and fell behind on my dead line for my second draft of my screenplay with less than a week to go and only a couple days off of work - eek!
That's okay! I'm back on the bandwagon and ready to go! I'm up in the middle of the night trying to brainstorm a whole new way of going about the screenplay and hashing things out. I'm so excited for life right now! I have such a vision of what I want and now it's all about being ready and going for it.

I'm toast... time to start all over again

2010-10-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

I seriously screwed myself over. I didn't go to theatre school, I don't have a lot of experience under my belt (that's at least known), mostly every film project I did didn't give me a copy for a demo, I joined the union too early and now I completely screwed myself. No wonder I'm not getting any auditions! I'm now only getting submitted for union work where the casting directors are familiar with the actors. One look at my resume and they'll say, "what? She doesn't even have theatre school under her belt and is obviously an idiot for joining the union without any work." So now what? I see where I went wrong and a part of me wishes I could run away, cause making it here is sooo not going to happen (at least their way). I'm tired of being told how I'm supposed to do things (especially if it doesn't work for me). I'm going to do things my way and bring them to me instead of me being bitch slapped in the face by them constantly. Thank god I also write as well as act. I think going into comedy really saved me. I don't know what I'm going to write, but I'm going to put a show together and invite all the agents and casting directors to see what I can do. A big part of me really wishes I went to theatre school, but right now I'm already so behind there's no going back.
Don't get me wrong, the union could be very good for WORKING ACTORS but sucks if you're starting in the industry and you need all the work you can get. I lost out on so many great jobs because they were non-union and I hate that I joined so early that's all. I really need to get my shit together. I have no idea what I'm going to do, I just have to make sure that whatever I do, it has to be epic!

New and Old...

2010-08-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Long time no post! A lot has happened and then again nothing has really changed. I'm still selling spa packages and trying to become an actress. New things: I wrote a comedy screenplay and I also filmed my first feature film last month! It really confirmed that this is something I want to do for the rest of my life. Making that movie inspired the screenplay that I just wrote. I also got the writing bug back. I wrote my first draft in two weeks! The writing machine is back! I'm also now writing for my sketch troupe, not just acting. I'm so excited for what's to come. I just came back from a bunch of road trips for work and now I'm ready to just make money and do my thing. I really want to get out there and go to shows all the time, mingle with people and get myself out there. It was knowing someone that got me the audition for the movie so that's something right there. I need to get in contact with my agent... I haven't been getting calls for auditions so I was a little concerned with that but I'll get over it. My plan is to do as many student films as possible and become a full actra member. I haven't even gone to the class that tells me the rules to be part of actra...eeeek I should get on that. Ever since I joined Actra I've been regretting it. There's nothing out there for union actors let alone someone like me that isn't well known at all. Oh well, I made my bed so I have to lay in it. It will save me money in the long run when I get gigs.
Anywho, my script. It's a teen comedy. It's Superbad meets Harold and Kumar meets Can't Hardly Wait meets every weird stupid comedy ever made. I was laughing my ass off writing it so hopefully other people will too. When I write something and think it's totally lame but I find it funny, people like it so I'm crossing my fingers. I hope to get it sold and made someday. I also have that dramatic war movie I have to write that I'm holding off cause deep down I'm a little scared to write it. I've been writing comedy for a long time, so to go to this genre is going to be a challenge but I'm really excited for it. I really need to practice drumming though FOR SURE. I'm so rusty it's embarrassing.
I'm so excited for Monday! Never thought I'd say that... I plan to get my sales done by 1:30-2, go to the gym and then head over to my sketch troupe meeting. I have a week planned for good stuff to happen and I want it to continue this way. I need to stay focused and not lose sight of my goals.

2010-04-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

I love acting and I really want a career in acting but the business is so awful and I just have to deal with it. It feels like I have to starve myself, blow someone and do hot lesbian scenes to get somewhere. Craft what? It feels like acting has been a joke. If juggers Heidi can get movie roles than what am I doing wrong? Oh yeah, not getting a plastic surgery and acting like a complete twit on a reality show! All this time I've been spending money trying to learn the "craft"! Silly me.
Whenever I go to apply to roles there's ALWAYS a movie that describes the female character as "sexy slim body - nudity required" uhhh where's the character part? Why don't they call upon models instead? I didn't get into this industry to have some nerd gawking at me while I'm trying to be a serious actress. It feels like calling myself a serious actress is turning into an oxymoron. The only thing that makes me serious is that I won't degrade myself. That's sad.
On the bright side, I think I'm starting to see where I fit in. I'm doing sketch comedy at the moment and I want to get back into stand up to get used to being on stage again. I'm writing a screenplay I'm very excited about and trying to get a new job as a dog walker. So much to do, so little time

I'm still alive!

2010-03-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now. Work is finally going well for me and I'm making a decent amount now so I don't have to worry about my bills. So now that's done and over with.
I'm taking this acting class and I'm not sure how I feel about it... I only had one class and right away I wasn't impressed with my instructor because she seemed so disorganized. First she changed the kind of class I signed up for, then she post dated the first class without tell me, then she forgot to email me the sides and made me look like an idiot because I didn't memorize the homework when she didn't even specify what was expected of me. I just hope it goes better this week than the last.
Also.... I'm starting the treatment for my new screenplay that I'm very excited about! I actually called up the author of the book I want to adapt and we had a nice talk about the integrity of the stories I was to tell, about the book and about ourselves. I'm really excited about getting this script started! I feel I need to get myself a lot more organized.
I also have a sketch comedy show coming up April 11th!! I'll have more details later!
I'm feeling like there's so much more I need to do and I'm trying to not stress out. I'm going to go get some food I can bring with me throughout the day so I don't spend money on crap food and going straight to the gym after work, use an hour a day to write and rehearse my acting scene for class. If I stick to this I should be good...oy...

Here's to staying alive!

2010-02-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

I had an awesome Valentines Day with my hubby! He took me to the Keg mansion and I ordered steak for the first time! Very good I must say. We got there for four thank god because it got crazy busy. We then went to see "Valentine's Day" which was fun. Great date movie. There was one time when I didn't hear what one person in the movie said and I asked CJ what she said and a girl behind me asked her bf the same thing and CJ and I started laughing so hard I was snorting and making the dude beside me laugh (at me). Maybe you had to be there...
I'm trying to get myself in order to stay out of this "woes is me" depression thing. I'm trying to get up for 5am everyday to go to the gym before work - you know, endorphins and such... tend to make you feel happier.
I'm also trying to save every penny by bringing breakfast and lunch to work. It also helps me eat better. I also get super stressed when I work so I'm going to try to actually have fun and stay positive. I'm not performing open heart surgery, I'm selling spa packages. I'm also going to look into stand-up comedy to cheer my spirits up! I think the more I look for the humour in things, the better the mood I'll be in... I'm just going to try to perform as much as possible with anything. Performing keeps me happy so that's what I need to focus on. Here's hoping!! Wish me luck!

it takes being sick to get it???

2010-02-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

So wed I was feeling like crap at work, got worse on Thurs and Friday I'm still not well. I'm feeling better than yesterday but I'm still going through bad tummy aches.
Anywho, something happened yesterday. I was laying down watching the Rachel Zoe project, (which I've become obsessed with) when I was looking around my nasty apartment and got so fed up I completely cleaning it out! I become super woman for a couple hours. I got a desk that was on my sister's balcony (that I was supposed to take off her hands ages ago) and I put it in my spare room with the computer and everything. My place looks more like a home! YAY! I'm actually excited about going to work on Tuesday for once! I need structure in my life right now and get myself on track and motivated to work on my craft.
I'm auditioning for a sketch troupe on Sat and I hope that works out. I think comedy is the right path for me. I feel more at home doing comedy. I'm excited to get in shape (I need to be in shape for comedy) and getting my life in order again. I haven't been excited in so long and I have so much to be excited for! Sunday CJ and I are going out for Valentines Day, we're going out for dinner and a movie. I just want to get fully better and get ready for an amazing weekend and a great week to follow. I'm going to kick ass at work and work out every morning and get on top of things! The benefits will be amazing! Finally!!! I'm excited again!!

My apartment represents my mind; a total mess

2010-02-09T16:18:00.000-08:00

I need a make-over. A total make-over of my life and the way I think. I'm done looking back and being disappointed in myself. I want to stop making myself feel like a failure. The reason I feel I haven't gotten anywhere is because I haven't let myself. I keep leading myself to a great destination but I somehow choose to take a detour. Not sure if that analogy worked but let's go with that. I come home and feel defeated. I wonder why... today I look around and my apartment is hideous!! Not at all the inspiration I need to get through my day. I love the apartment itself, but what I've done with it is awful. It's a mess, there's nothing nice about it... I hate it! Being in a space you hate can't be very peaceful or pleasant can it? So along with my apartment, I decided to give my attitude a make-over. I need to be away from people. At least that's how I feel right now. Block off all communication with everyone (besides my bf whom I live with of course). I feel like I'm useless as a person if I can't give you my all. I'm done being a zombie and putting on a fake smile all the time. I want to genuinely be happy and actually laugh with people. I need to laugh again. Like, ACTUALLY laugh. Hard.

I like to problem solve and work things out. I crave to improve... maybe this is what I need. I am not a fan of depression and nothing pisses me off more than being depressed. Everyone changes... it's my turn. Except I want to change back to who I was.

my heart goes bang bang boom

2010-02-07T08:04:00.001-08:00

I feel like I've lost it. I'm on the journey to get myself back. This is an intense journey. I'm figuring out how to love again, how to function and how to be.... happy. I really like being happy and it seems like I haven't really laughed in a long time. I'm going to change things... I have to.

I guess I'll try all things like meditation, exercising and eating right and all that crap lol. I feel like I haven't been a good gf, sister, friend, employee, actor, client.... anything. I need to get it back and appreciate what is being given to me. Everything is being handed to me and I'm not reaching out and taking it. It's time to stop being a whiney brat and be whoever people think I am. I feel like the impression I give people is better than who I actually am. I feel like a fraud. Nothing a little swim won't cure

Where did my brain go?

2010-01-10T16:24:00.000-08:00

I need to get myself in check. My brain is still on holiday and I need to wake up! I need to get my goals and actually work for them. Nothing gets accomplished by sitting on your butt all day. Although it is very relaxing. I really love to dream. I think being a huge day dreamer is holding me back but it also gives me a good look at my goals and what I want.
My goals are basically to get out of debt by mid March, (hopefully get a juicy role in an Abba show) get some cash in the savings account, pay back my parents, get acting classes, new headshots, get in great shape and not stress anymore about money as much anymore and be able to focus on my career without being fearful of "insufficient funds" being flashed in my face - again!

On another note, I had the best weekend ever! It was my bf's 27th birthday and we threw him a fun party. I got really drunk and didn't get sick or anything! Not even a hangover the next morning. We sat in the living room watching movies and vegging out all day, it was amazing! Something I really needed. Time to get crackin on things.

New Year.... New Start

2009-12-27T21:10:00.001-08:00

Well this year has been a lot better to me than last year that's for sure. At least it's improving! I'm really excited for 2010! I think it's going to be a great year. I realized how much money I could make with the job I have now and it's starting to blow my mind! There's a great promotion opportunity I could take but I'm not sure if I should go for it. I want to focus on acting and I think running an office or at least helping running an office would take up too much of my time. I think I would just like to do my thing and make good money while focusing on my career.
There's also something else I'm itching to do. I want to get back into stand-up and possibly tour! It's something I always wanted to try. Being able to go around North America and entertain all over would be so amazing. My work also has offices all over so I can work here and there. This is just me thinking out loud of course. It may happen, it may not.

In Welland... and I can't sleep..

2009-12-16T01:24:00.000-08:00

I'm tossing and turning and going nuts. Everything is going on in my mind and it's annoying me. I realized why I'm doing okay and not amazing with this new job. I'm not money hungry. I'm hungry for other things and I'm content with doing okay. In reality I'd much rather do amazing so I need to get out of that mind frame for at least another week. All that can be put on hold. I'm in hick town so I need to make the most of it.
...the toilet is making noises out of no where...
anywho, I'm still making more money here than anywhere else. I just wished I planned for things to turn bad like they did the last couple weeks... ooooohhhhh well... when this is all over I need to be away from people. Spend time writing and doing my thing, not listen to people's crap. I've been on such edge lately. I need to read a good book and write. Done.
Anywho.. I'm pretty sure I'm annoying my roommates... night

You wont' get anywhere without the blisters

2009-12-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

I've been noticing a recurring theme in my life. Hard work pays off. There are people out there with less talent making more money doing what I want to do and it's all because of their hard work and perseverance. I'm a lazy person, but if you light a fire under my ass there is no stopping me. I just need to light my own fire which is hard. I can't get over how much people don't want to work hard. I'm just as bad as the next person but if you're worse than me then that's just unacceptable. I am the basic level for all things. If you are worse than me for work ethic, grammar, knowledge, talent then you need to step up your game. I always have to step up my game every day so imagine the work the rest of the world needs to do.
I'm also noticing I'm a lot more of a hard ass than I used to. The no nonsense attitude I had when I was a kid is creeping out now. I'm tired of my own excuses and the fact that I keep trying to give myself more is pathetic. I have nothing to complain about, I have a new job that's challenging but reaps great rewards, an amazing boyfriend, great friends and family, I really need to shut the fuck up. Your turn.

Patty Patty Puke Puke

2009-11-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, gang! So great to see your smiling faces... just had a bit of a mental breakdown lately from going insane with money problems, relationships and just life in general. Like everything else, time goes on and things go up and down. I got past my low point and now I have a new job with big potential for me to move up and make big bucks! It's in sales and even though I'm not known for doing well in sales, for some reason, with this company, I can see myself excelling! I just needed the right product and group of people to cheer me on! I the company I'm working for, they're so positive and supportive. It's also great because when I go out to make sales I don't have to answer to anyone, I'm all on my own and I don't have to deal with moody customers.
I'm still working part-time as a waitress and when I worked last, it really made me appreciate my new job. I also have an appreciation for life in general. No matter how bad things can seem, you always have the power to change your situation. You are in control of you life, no one else. If you want to improve and do better, DO IT. I was a mess because my hours were cut and I couldn't afford rent and now I'm more excited about life than I have been in a while.
My commercial will be airing soon, I have the best boyfriend in the world, awesome people in my life and a new and exciting job to help me get to where I want to be. This year feels like the stepping stone to something big next year. Every year feels like it's getting bigger and bigger with more challenges and better rewards. I'm sitting in a coffee shop across from the man of my dreams, sipping my favourite drink (mocha) and writing. With everything I've been going through and dealing with the past couple years, I really do start to appreciate more of what I have. My sister has been especially great with teaching me that.

Life's not justice

2009-10-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

I can't get over my anger towards the world and it's politics. I know I said I would stop talking about politics, but this is about humanity, not about which party to vote for. I feel like I can't keep sitting here waiting for the government to screw over more people from their hard earned money. Everyone is struggling and you have these millionaires trying to squeeze more money from these hard working people. They receive their big bonuses while screwing over consumers. For example, condos being poorly constructed but charging an arm and a leg to own. I think people need to start taking a stand. A stand against the government trying to tax us to pay off their insane spending of OUR money and a stand up as a consumer for quality!! I don't know how, but I really hope we find a way. I have no idea how to take a stand other than maybe getting a movement going. Apparently You Tube has one billion hits a day so maybe I can have my voice heard there. Maybe I could write a column...who knows, the world is my oyster and there are too many things I want to do-I think my head will explode. Maybe I will do what every other comic does and use my words to make people laugh at the whole situation but still have no one really do anything.

And I fainted...again

2009-10-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

It's like my personal life reflects my career life. It keeps me on my toes all the time. I can never let my guard down because when I do...I fall flat on my face (figuratively and literally). I have a fainting disorder and anything can trigger a faint, especially dehydration, lack of food, standing for too long, whatever. I don't faint too often. It's been a few times a year lately.
Anywho the point is, I have to get my whole everything in check if I want to move forward. Get my eating habits, my relationships, my money, career, everything is going to the check out counter!
Now, it's the organizing and following through with it all is the problem. OOOHHHHH well. I'll figure it out.

And the beat goes on...

2009-10-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

The story of my life. Even when things get amazing, life goes on and it passes and then comes right back. I'm going to have to get used to my life being such a roller-coaster. I'll get jobs here and there but nothing is forever and that's something I really need to remember. The only thing I just started getting used to was KNOWING I have a permanent partner in crime. Everything (other than family) has been temporary at some point. Nothing in this business ever lasts. I have to keep pushing until I'm dead basically. There's always going to be another project, another plan, another goal.
I'm back to the drawing board to see what else I can do to get myself out there. I have a couple scripts I think I can create that has potential to sell or get made. Hell, if they can make "Bring It On: 15" then I'm sure one of my films can be made. When I think about it, there's so much I want to do and experience in my life it seems like it's all miles away, but I just need to hang in there because I can taste it. I've already had such amazing moments that no one has ever experienced or possibly dreamed to experience. I need to keep reminding myself to count my blessings and push myself to do better. Knowing my lazy ass, I have to!
Here it goes... round 13240876

WOOO!!!

2009-10-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

Soooo I went on my very first audition that I got from my new agent the other day. It was for a CBC radio commercial... and guess who landed the role... that's right this moi!!! WOOO!!!

So excited! It's also the first time my agent sent me out, so hopefully she will know the fury and get me a lot more auditions! I also have the chance to be an apprentice to join Actra! I don't know for sure but my agent said she thinks I'll still be able to be a part of my web sketch troupe if I'm in the union so that will be perfect!! I'm so happy I could pee my pants right now!!! Oh wait...I just did!! Ahem... not really.

Not to mention I could really use the money right now. Things are going really well right now I'm so excited! My first meeting went really well with my troupe, I just finished wrapping a short film and tomorrow I will be filming a commercial! This is one crazy ass week!! Keep it coming!!

The blessing meeter is going to explode!

2009-10-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm visiting my folks at the moment and for some reason it feels like Christmas... I'm not sure if it's because I'm FREEZING or... no it's because I'm freezing. It's so strange to sleep in my old bed sometimes. It's like you went through so much in one room and then it's a museum peice and going back to see it is like reliving everything again...anyone else get that feeling? Just me?
It's so nice to see my parents. It's like going back to basics of life when I see them. My mind gets so clouded with what I need to do that the mix of quiet suburbia and my parents seem to clear my mind. I have that sense of calm when I'm with my boyfriend and thank god I do or I'd be a mess. I already am so what does that mean??
I am so proud of where I came from. I didn't have a rough life, I have a nice childhood and parents that raised me right. I learned that the important things in life are...money - ha! gotcha!
No, good friends, family and having fun. What is the point if you can't enjoy life? Money isn't money anymore anyway! It's just numbers...Congress proved that. Hey, if the country can be millions (or trillions in some cases...ahem....ahem...) in debt then what's a couple grand right?
I see the country as a little hypocritical if you ask me... the government tries to be a good parent and encourage their little ones to do the right thing to prevent heartache in the future. Guess what, life happens and you need to spend a little to move on. Or to make yourself feel pretty... come on now... we can't have poor AND ugly people all over the place... imagine the chaos!! In case some of you can't read sarcasm...that was not sarcasm.... see what I did there (totally stole that line from my bf. Thanks honey!)
Sure I may not have been brought up on a silver platter but it was bronze! I for sure am not taking it for granted and hope to take it with me wherever I go so I can enjoy life more instead of worrying. So I'm not going to worry about my acting career, I'm just going to keep getting ahead step by step. I'm not going to worry about the greys in my hair - that's right!!! GREY!!!! I'm not going to worry about the grey in my hair.....I'm not... you can't see them anyway... there's only a few. Except I keep trying to pluck them but then more grow!! WTF!?!?!
I'm not going to worry..... I don't want wrinkles.... what have I become....

I am slowly going crazy...1 2 3 4 5 6 SWITCH!

2009-09-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

Switch bitch! Ahem...sorry, I don't know where that came from....
I feel like I am loosing my little mind!!! I really think I need to start reading instead of watching tv.
Television seems to pull this on me. If I watch too much or feel I'm getting addicted I start to loose my mind! I get restless and loose sight of what I need to do. I feel like I've been twiddling my thumbs for weeks - what the hell?!
Last night I was feeling blue because I realized how far I am from my dream and where I need to go seems like it will be an eternity! I haven't done nearly as much as I wanted and I feel like such a failure. That just means I have to change my approach completely. How? I have no idea... I need to regroup and get my act together!! Hmmm I will start today! I work at 5 so I have the whole day - well half the day (yeah I slept in. Who's the champ? This moi).
I think I'll park myself outside, go for a walk and think things out. When I'm done that I'll go to the gym and then head to work.
Ever since I was a little wee one I ALWAYS needed my sleep or I'd turn into Super Bitch and eat your face off. It has evolved to me needing too much sleep. I tried everything! I wake up early but then I crash and end up having 13 hours of sleep! I try going to bed early and hope to wake up early but no! I wake up at the same time!! I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 10! No matter what I try, I always HAVE to wake up at 10! I put my alarm on for 7:30am and I end up shutting it off in my doze state when it goes off. There is no helping me... my boyfriend now is back on afternoons and when he was on mornings, him getting up at 5:30am would help me get up early but now I just sleep in like no one's business. He still gets up at an early hour either 7 or 8 he's up. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to get into the habit of getting up at 7:30 or 8 so I can at least take 9:30 classes at the gym and start my day earlier.
Any suggestions? HELP!

So far so good

2009-09-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sticking to going to the gym! That's right! I'll be kicking asses before you know it!
I've been having a good week... I had a really good audition for a play and I landed a role in a short film! It's a cute romantic comedy - I'm so excited! I also went partying in Niagra Falls for my best friend's birthday and I had a blast! We partied hard that's for sure. I wanted to throw a party for one of my other best friends before she heads back to Montreal but I'll be filming that weekend so who knows what will go down. It might be a short notice thing but that's what makes it fun.
I haven't been writing as much as I've wanted though, but I think that's okay since I'm doing more acting - finally!! I just need a paying gig now.... sooo badly. Where's my acting money?! I'm broke bitches I'm broke! I'll be spending my week learning my lines and figuring out what to do with my character. I have her pretty much in my mind but if I want to take this whole acting thing seriously I guess I should do some research and get a real feel for her.

I had a really nice talk with my dad today. We were talking about drumming and he was letting me in on what he's had to deal with. He was telling me how the drummer is the silent leader of the group. You'd think it was the singer or lead guitarist but no! That's right....the drummer is the one in control of everything. The drummer is the back bone of the band obviously because we keep the beat. If you don't have proper time and a beat, you're screwed and you're not a good drummer if you can't keep a beat. He was telling me stories about all the different bands he's been in and how funny it is that no one but the drummer really knows how to keep time yet they always tell the drummer what to do. He told me to tell the band that you're going to do whatever you want to do and to not take crap from anyone! He said to know your limits and know your skills and don't let the band boss you around because when show time arrives, they have to follow you. It was really nice to hear what he had to say. I've only been in one band and I have so much more respect for musicians than ever. I don't know how they do it. I think I would go crazy being in a band. Too many egos going around... if I ever found a good group of people, maybe they could change my mind. For now though...I think I'll stick to playing in my parent's basement.

So...sore...

2009-09-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

That's right! I did it! I signed up for a gym membership and I plan to use it!! It's my job to be in great shape as an actor so I need to bring it!
Did I mention that I'M SOO SORE!?! I took a martial arts/aerobics class and it kicked my ass. I went swimming this morning so I could give my joints some ease. I really should have gone for a massage instead. I'm soo sor- oh yeah, I already told you that.
But I'm SOY (yes, I said 'soy') excited about getting in shape! I'm going to try to go at least 5 days a week and soon enough I'll be in tip top shape! I hope... I'm even seeing a change in my attitude! The endorphins are really kicking in quick. I feel peppy a lot more than I used to. I feel more relaxed too because I let out a lot of energy.
I took Ness out for a walk and he did so well! He doesn't like Toronto very much, too many people and it freaks him out and he begs for me to pick him up. Not this time - well, a couple times when the crowds were too big, also he could get stepped on so I had to rescue him. He walked in front of me and beside me and listened to everything I told him! It was so cute when he was chasing the pigeons away. For those that don't know, Ness is my Chihuahua (even though he kinda looks like a mini deer).

Oprah patrol...that's right!

2009-09-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

So... it's the Toronto International Film Festival and guess who's going to be there??? Well, everyone - including the love of my life....OPRAH! I won't be doing the lame thing by standing out with thousands by the red carpet, no. I'm going to do the creepy kind of fan thing and patrol the ritzy areas of where she could be going/staying. Just seeing her would be enough. I wouldn't even know what to say to her if I ever did meet her. Probably something cliche and lame like "I love you, you have changed my life and opened my mind to so many things! You're my idol, my hero, my one and only"... okay maybe too much...
I've been feeling so down, restless and agitated lately. I thought it was boredom at first but I then realized that I missed playing drums. It's been months since I've been able to sit down and play to MY music. I could always go to my folks place and practice but it's such a trek. I'm thinking of going to Rehearsal Factory someday and rent out a room to just practice for an hour. I was crying because I feel like a piece of my soul is slowly getting further from me. I can't go for a long time without a stage or playing. I haven't acted with other actors in sooo long. Acting and performing is a big part of who I am and I recently been feeling like I'm about to explode!
It's like a big ball of energy is inside me just waiting to get out... it's like I want to run laps around my apartment building and scream at the top of my lungs! I just have to get out there!!
I have an audition tomorrow (thank god) and I will use that as a chance to perform. As short as auditions are, I need those short moments to remind myself of why I'm doing this. Those little moments that I get to act give me such confidence and inner peace, it makes all the rejection and struggles worth it because once I do land something... it's going to be great! I could act all day every day!!
I also realized that Drums give me the same affect. I never thought drumming was a big part of me and who I was. I just saw drums as something to do when I'm bored. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I've been having the biggest urge to lock myself in a room for hours and just play till my hearts content! Someday soon I will. I need to. I have to. For my sanity!!

An actor's life for me...

2009-09-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my life. I've always treasured the simple things such as my art, not getting swept up in materials. I wish I could just lock myself up in a room all day and write with no distractions. I feel like my creativity is being sucked from me living with so many distractions. I only have myself to blame. Work is actually forcing me to write more. Whenever I'm working lunch and I have a couple hours to spare till I have to work at dinner again, I write. There's so much I want to say and express that I feel overwhelmed. Maybe writing isn't the best way to go about it. I used to do sketches...maybe I can take up sketching...
LIGHT BULB!!
Perhaps I should look into making a short film... something to get my juices going... good old blog! I get the best ideas when I write in this puppy! Now the question is... what to write about...hmm...writer's block? Lame... or is it?? Yes, it is.
I want to just escape somewhere. I really need that loan. At least for Jan and Feb because work is going to be so dead. I could use that time to travel! Oh yeah..it's all coming together.
I know I'm not going through this alone...
I think I would be epically lost without CJ to inspire me. I'm already lost but even more so if he weren't there. I feel sad when he's not here. I bounce like a puppy when I see him. He makes me laugh and I enjoy everything so much more with him by my side. I feel like I can do anything. He gives me all the freedom to do whatever I want and that's what I need most. I wouldn't have gotten through these past two years as well if it weren't for him. He moved to Toronto for me...he HATES Toronto. I'll always be grateful. So here's to CJ, who keeps me on track and shows and tells me everyday how much he loves me.

ohhh politics...

2009-09-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

So, my friend showed me this article from CNN about how Obama wants input on the teacher's lessons to make sure that children work hard and stay in school. Apparently republican parents were outraged because they thought he would fill their children's minds with "socialistic propaganda" riiiiiiiiggghhhhttt..... cause Obama is a socialist... I don't think they understand socialism. People need to relax on that I think. You're America, (fuck yeah!) you're a first world country, you have freedom of speach, your biggest problem is that you're obese... you don't have it that bad. This isn't China so stop throwing around the word communism and socialism like you know what you're talking about. Also, did you forget who your last president was?? The mess he left for Obama...please calm down and have patience. Yes your economy sucks so I understand that you're frustrated, but he is working on it!! It's going to take a long time. He even said that it will be years before you start to see some improvement and it hasn't even been one year and you're freaking out! He has people working on the economy so while that is going on, how bad is it that he's working on making your health care availible for everyone and your kids stay in school? Apparently that makes him an evil dictator... that is messed.
Anywho, I said something about it on my status on facebook and was shocked as hell when people were AGAINST me! Who knew I had crazy conservatives on my facebook.... I'm not huge on politics, but it really upset me to see how upset people were, and were saying "Huessien Obama is a communist" and crap like that - and I live in Canada!! We have free health care (which is kinda what Obama wants for his country) and instead of going "yeah baby! Health care here is awesome! I don't have to worry about going broke if I get sick. Go Obama!" No... he's evil. Yes it's going to be rocky cause obviously, he's changing the health care system it's a work in progress. How dare he try to give poor people a helping hand...that asshole....
Okay, I said what I wanted to say. I'm done with politics. Everyone has their oppinion and no one will budge so there's no point in getting people angry...especially stupid people that don't agree with me....har har

Allergies are killing me!!

2009-09-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

I've been having the hardest time sleeping lately. Waking up in the middle of the night to blow my nose...stupid nose... due to this I've been feeling so frail. I'm not used to feeling so slow and defeated going to work - I'm not even sick! Speaking of work, I've been getting pretty good money from work so hopefully I can afford a class!! Clearly I haven't been working out since I've been feeling so weak. I haven't been eating so great either...ahem...cheesecake and pasta is healthy though, right...?
Talk is cheap. Its so easy to psych yourself up to do greater things but then you get lazy and sometimes you don't even have the energy to face the world.
I saw an advertisement for Dove about how they're trying to gain more self esteem on girls. I think it's fantastic! As an actress I find it so hard to get ahead because of the competition. It's not just about talent these days... the girls I'm up against are sizes 2-6. Even if I was an amazing actress, I wouldn't get as much of a chance landing roles being a size 8. That's why I'm always slapping my wrist for not working out everyday and eating cheesecake. It's so unfair that you have so many actors of different shapes and sizes with no problem getting work. Majority of actresses HAVE to be small and pretty. You can count on your hand the actresses with "character" but when it comes to actors, they have it a lot easier. Micheal Cera who - let's face it - isn't your traditional leading man, but that awkwardness he has works for him and he's the leading man of the decade! Nerds are in! Yet, even if they want the nerd girl, she still is gorgeous. Hell, Ugly Betty (America Ferrera) is lovely!!
So that's my rant! Till next time

Debt managing

2009-09-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

Just had a great convo with my best friend, talked about what's going on in our lives. I'm going to investigate getting a loan to pay for my acting classes. I nearly had a heart attack today... I couldn't find my receipt for my imac that I got a couple months ago to put in my taxes forms. I have a new computer to edit videos and a great camcorder to MAKE videos...so what am I doing sitting on my butt? The whole reason I got them was to use them to my advantage - GASP!
I have an audition in a couple days and they gave me sides to read but they didn't specify who they wanted me to read for. I asked but they didn't get back to me....LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!
I have a camera.....I have a computer....I have a script....how about I video tape me doing all the characters in the readings and send it to them?! Plus, I don't have to worry about being late for work! Its almost too perfect...we shall see what happens! Yes!! Victory!!
Everything is slowly coming together.... except I'm still very lazy and can't get the energy to go running everyday like I promised. Ho hum, pigs bum.
I could also put the loan towards a gym membership... hmmm very interesting...
Anywho, I'm off to bed! Nighty Night!

Julie and Julia

2009-08-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

Had I fantastic day with my mom today! I visited my parents for the weekend and spent all day with my mother. I haven't been able to visit because of my work sched so it was nice to finally spend some time with her. We saw "Julie and Julia" which was really good! It's a really feel good movie, makes you want to get up and do something (hence me writing my blog).
I'm having a harsh reality of my life right now. It's very expensive to be an actor apparently. A weekend class costs $400!! What actor has that kind of money lying around?! I sure as hell don't! Not to mention I've been told I have to keep up with the trends, make sure my hair is freshly cut every 3 months and that means going to an actual nice salon... no more super cuts for me.
So, with classes, fashion and printing photos and whatnot, we're looking at an average of $600/mo! They were not kidding when they call us "starving artists".
I need to find a way to at least cut that down to $400/mo and I'll be able to pull it off. I just need to save every penny I make... oh the glamorous life of an actress. The only thing now is that I have to get a clue about what I'm doing.
On the bright side, I finished my first draft of my screenplay! YAY! I'm so excited about writing the second draft! It went from a fluffy romantic comedy to a sort of drama comedy... we'll see where it goes! I hope to someday have it made. Stay tuned!

New Start

2009-07-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

So my agent is no longer my agent. It's pretty sad actually, her daughter became very ill and she had to cut her roster in half and I was one of the people that got cut.
I emailed almost every agency in Toronto and I received 4 replies! YAY! So now I have to send them my non-existent demo that I have to make by Monday and send those out so I have a chance to get signed by one of them soon!
There's a lot I still need to do to prepare for myself for the future. First, I need to get a new agent, save some money and pay off debt as well as get in fabulous shape and hopefully have enough to visit my family in Los Angeles by Jan! I'm forming a small sketch troupe with a buddy of mine from comedy school and my boyfriend! I hope that gets us a little further.
On top of that I have the play and film I'm writing that I want to get done soon....wow...this is going to be a nightmare. I'm trying to not spend ANY money that I don't need to, so hopefully not being able to go have fun will force me to stay home and write or create.
Hmmm....I just had a thought....if I stick to my plan and get everything done this year...the one-woman show, the screenplay, the sketch troupe AND get a new agent...
All this will not be for nothing! I KNOW that if I actually do all this it won't be for nothing. I just have a feeling that something amazing will come from it all. It feels like everything is slowly coming together peice by peice and now I'm being tested. Finishing what I say I'll do is a test to my word and dicipline. Call me crazy, but I better pass this test! The reward will be everything I'd hope for...cause if it's not....I will go crazy haha

Why does my eye hurt?

2009-07-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

From crying!!! That's why!! No, not really. It really does hurt and I'm a little nervous because there doesn't look like there's anything wrong with my eye other than it feels bruised...eek!
Anyway, I have had a really stressful week. Some family drama that has been a little rough but oddly enough, it brought my boyfriend and I a lot closer and I'm slowly starting to find my old self again through all the anger.
I think I need a break from people. Wait. I NEED a break from people! Everyone is just annoying the hell out of me lately. All anyone does is bitch and complain and not do anything to help themselves and I can't take it anymore. Anything anyone does annoys me because it's either very stupid or I just can't understand their logic behind it. I found out why I have been fainting a lot and apparently I am a "clinical fainter". So...I'm low on sodium so I need to have more soups and always stay hydrated.
I just filmed a short film that was a lot of fun to shoot. I finally got to act (which has been too long since I got a gig) and I had a lot of freedom to do whatever I wanted in terms of acting decisions with my character. The director and I were basically on the same page which was great to bounce ideas off of.

So basically, I'm going away to visit my friend for a couple days to get away from everyone at home. Everyone is stressing me out and I don't need it right now. Once I re-group and relax a bit, I can go back refreshed and get things done. I CANT TAKE ANYMORE CAPTAIN!!!
I'm done and out!!! I also need to go to the spa!! Oh god!!

Post 23rd Bday!

2009-06-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hey hey!
I had a fabbity fab fab bday yesterday! I went with my friend Brian and my sister Laura to my folk's place. The two Ashley's followed suit and we just hung out all day! My sister made food (amazing!) and my dad even helped with cooking and cleaning! That's a rare thing to happen and that alone made my birthday!
We walked around Streetsville, sang songs, talked anthropology (yeah don't know how that happened). It was really great and I'm so happy I could spend my bday with people I love. The only thing was, my mom was in Thunder Bay for my uncle's wedding but I got to talk to her and my relatives and they were pretty wasted on wine so that was pretty funny.
My poor baby hurt his back when I got home to him. He got me a bunch of chocolate (smart man. Except I'm going to have to store it away so I don't eat it all at once lol. Why does he torture me?!)
He says he's going to plan sometime nice for me...I hope it includes cleaning the bathroom. Oh god, I sound like a wife already... pass the sex, I want a clean apartment!!

The Future looks bright...it better

2009-05-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

So I auditioned for a band but it wasn't the right mix. First off, the band wasn't even complete! It was only a singer and guitar player. Their songs were really good though and I jammed with the guitarist (who was awesome) but the style wasn't what they were looking for. They said I was the best they've seen though! I told them about my sister and they want to see her haha.
I think I have the idea for my one-woman show and I'm really excited about it. My wonderful boyfriend help me with the idea and I think it's going to be really fun!

I'm obsessed with Lost!! That's alll Ive been doing these past couple weeks is watch it from the beginning! CJ is a big fan and he showed me the pilot and I was hooked! Any fans out there, share the love!!

2009-05-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! I emailed a bunch of people to get put on a list to do stand-up and I'm meeting with a band this weekend! I really hope it all goes well. These guys are really serious about getting into the music industry so if I can make it with them then giddy up! Just working with these guys would be a great experience. They really want to try to get a record deal and such but I know the odds and I'm not holding my breath. If anything I'm doing it for the experience because the rush you get being on stage and creating your own music with a group is just amazing!
If I can go back into stand-up that would be wonderful as well! I just want to get out and do stuff. I want to experience as much as I can while I'm here. Dreaming isn't enough, I have to go out and get it. I'm not sure what's next, the band could end up not liking me, I don't get a call for stand-up, but I tried and I'm going to keep trying. I'm thinking of creating a sketch comedy group again to see how we do. I'm sick of being in this creative rut. I haven't done anything in a while and I need to get out there and explore what I'm capable of.
Here I go...wish me luck...

So much to do, sooo lazy...

2009-05-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Whenever I realize the amount of stuff I want to do and can do, I get very sleepy. It's so much easier to take a nap. Then again, my "naps" last at least a couple hours...eeek! I was so pumped to get some writing done but then my dog was sleeping on my lap. Well, I couldn't just leave him...you know, he was all...sleeping and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz alright!! I'm guilty of taking the lazy way out!! Oh god!! I'm working out today to make up for the last *cough* three days of not doing anything.
Good news though! Due to my "nap" I couldn't sleep at night (go figure) I was doing some research online and applied to many stand-up spots as well as...drumming gigs!!! YAY! Someone already called me back for a jam, so you never know! I might be in a band soon!
I also have a new job that I'm excited about. The people are super nice and it's a really great restaurant - Casey's. I am so happy that I'm back in the restaurant business instead of bars. The hours are far better to work with. So far I've only been working two and a half hours a shift! Once training gets done it'll be sweet. I'll be working three or four hours and making the same amount as if I were working nine hours at my old place.
So now I have no excuses, I'm working 20hrs a week so I should have enough time to get stuff done.
The stuff I want to do is a little much, but this is in a span of 5 years. I have at least 5 screenplays to finish, I want to be in a band, of course I need acting work, I would actually like to make my own film from my screenplay, I have a musical I want to make, my podcast and theres a lot more so I need to get crackin!

American's Next Top Model makes me want to purge

2009-05-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

I was watching "America's Next Time Model" yesterday and I watch it sometimes because I will admit, it is entertaining. It floors me though every time I watch it. I know people in the fashion industry are crazy, but oh my god! Really?! You have this annoying bitch of a man with an enormous ugly bow on, telling you that YOUR outfit looks bad? HAHAHAHAH ohh isn't that the pot calling the kettle black.
Also, I know it's the industry to be youth obsessed, skinny obsessed and yet, no one has a problem with this? Industries change all the time why can't this one be the most flexible? I can't remember the name of the girl that got voted off, but she looked too old for the industry. She's 25! Oh god, I'm going to be 23 and luckily I'm an actor so I have options. Honestly, I wasn't a fan of the girl's face either so I get why she was voted off but THEY say it was because she looked "mature". Why are they obsessed with youth anyway? Most teenagers are stupid! (haha jk) I think the fashion industry is sooo funny. The fact that people take clothes and snottyness soo seriously is so pathetic in my eyes. Yes we're talking millions of dollars so of course they're going to take IT seriously but those people take THEMSELVES sooo seriously it's laughable!
If I want to wear socks with sandals (don't worry, even I know that's a foe-paw...is that how you even spell it?) who are you to freak out on me as if you caught me throwing a baby off a balcony?! A bad outfit is not the end of the world, we are not hurting anything other than your eyes (which you can look away by the way).
Basically, the moral of the story is, yes fashion is fun and pretty and all that, but I really hope people take it less seriously because it can be really scary that THESE people are in control of how we proceive ourselves. These crazy people wearing ugly large bows, telling young pretty girls that they look old, these people that say a size 2 is an ideal size, these people that talk utter nonsense! You can not let them tell you that you're not good enough. The clothes in the magazines, the cosmetics, how slim you should be doesn't mean anything. These people are messed and I think we need to look at them as such. Why would I take advice from these people? Why would it mean so much for me to care? That's just how I look at it. Whenever I see Vogue or whatever big fashion magazine is out there, I take it for what it is. A waste of trees.
But seriously, if I were to ever be on the cover that would be cool. Not gonna lie.

What's the deal...

2009-05-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

Women are fucking up! How do men have all the power? Didn't we have a movement not too long ago? Did we forget that? Men, I think, have figured out our weakness and have not let it out to the public because they know the terrible outcome that will fall suit - women will stop giving it up!
We all know about using sex to manipulate men. I'm pretty sure there are other ways but we haven't found any. Or perhaps the sex has worked so well in the past - but what about the girls that don't want to go about that route? They still will get burned and there's no hope in hell they can come back with vengence!
I know this is kind of going against women power, but think about it! I was just at a bitch fest the other night and I can't believe how many of my fellow gals get blind sighted by some dude! Are we doing something wrong? Probably, fifty fifty. There are more sides to the coin, but doesn't anyone want some sort of justice? Wouldn't you just love to stick it to the guy that did you wrong?
Believe it or not, the worst thing you could do to a guy is to stick to what you promise. If he does something that is a DB (deal breaker) and you threaten to leave? LEAVE!!! There!!! Justice is served! If you were a good girl friend, you leaving will distroy him! MWHAHAHA...ahem.
Trust me, I know it's easier said than done. I've been there before with the back and forth and he not believing what I was telling him because I didn't follow through. Men, I think, are like children. You tell a kid that if he doesn't stop throwing things you will take away his Playstation. Guess what. He doesn't stop and you take away the Playstation - but give it back as soon as he starts throwing a tantrum and promises he'll be good. So to get him to shut up and leave you alone, you cave. Oh, big surprise, he continues to be a doucebag! Get where I'm going with this?
Okay I'm done giving you ladies a lecture.
Men!! Really?? You need to try harder! There are some rules that you need to bend. For instance, don't hit on a girl the way you would want to be hit on. I'm sure it would be cool for once if a chick came up to you and said, "hey cutie...how about you let me buy you a drink and I let you fuck me". No. Eww. First off, do I really need to remind you that we are PEOPLE not objects?! Do I look like a blow up doll? Then don't treat me like one. Now, it's our jobs as women to point this out to men and hopefully the word will spread and men will tone down the lameness. A key to a woman's heart is through laughter. So if you're not funny...learn to be charming. If you're not charming, be clever, if you're not clever, be nice. If you're not nice, keep your mouth shut and pump iron. Same to you ladies. You have to have SOMETHING going for you or you'll find someone just like you...useless. Then you'll breed more useless people that only take money from the government and to get more government money they pump out more useless soon to be rapists people because they don't have any skills...woah, where's the road? What was I writing about? Meh...

Here come the water works...

2009-04-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, I want to write about my wonderful boyfriend so if you're not in the sappy mood I suggest you skip it or grab a barf bag or something.
I was hanging out with my sister last night and when I got home I just chilled out for a while and then my boyfriend came home. All the time when he comes home I get this sense of relief and joy! He makes the room feel so warm and everything makes sense. I fell asleep on the couch while we were watching t.v and he put me to bed. We lied down on the bed just starring into each others eyes. It's those moments that I live for. He makes me feel so relaxed and his essence calms me and I feel at peace. I get really uptight and hyper sometimes, it's so nice to have someone that balances you.
This morning I woke up and was wiiiide awake. I looked over and he was still sleeping (and looking sooo cute!!) and I gave him a little kiss on the neck before I got up and he put him arm around me. My first thought was, great now I'm stuck. But then I just melted into his arms and fell right back asleep. I love sleeping next to him because he usually reaches out for me while he's sleeping and holds me close. My days always start off perfect because of that small thing that means the world to me. I love his touch more than anything in this world. His small kisses, when he caresses my back, to when he opens his eyes and smiles are the moments that make me undertsand life more. With all the chaos I feel right now, it's so important that I embrace those intimate times I have with. The world stops and lets me have this moment to not think about anything but the happiness I feel with him. His voice is soo soothing too! His voice is like listening to a lullaby! The poor guy probably thinks I find him boring because I doose off, but he puts me into paradise mode!
I love that I can be myself and not worry about if I'm embarassing him, if it's bothering him. He loves every bit of me. He tolorates me when I'm a spazz and I worry, he loves it when I bang into doors!! (Side note: ever since I learned how to walk into walls or door without hurting yourself, I looove pretending I slammed into a wall or door. Scares some people or embarasses the people I'm walking with).
I just find myself so lucky to have a man that accepts me, respects me and basically GETS IT! Not many men understand what women want and I think he had an advantage since he was raised by a woman he got the inside scoop. He understands exactly what to do to make me feel special and wanted. He always shows he cares and he's there for me a thousand percent. I knew before we were even together that he was one hell of a man. A smart cookie too! There aren't many REAL men out there I find. Also, I noticed that men don't usually become men until their 30.
A man is someone who isn't afraid to take care of his girl and to show her his love everyday. He makes me feel like I'm on top of the earth, like I was meant to fly and he'll be right there beside me.
I love you baby! Thank you for helping me chill the fuck out!

Run!!

2009-04-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like you just want to run away? I think everyone does. I just really want to get away from the city and just pick up and go somewhere. I guess I could max out my credit card, but I think given my current financial situation (aka I'm broke) I don't think it's going to happen.
I can imagine it though....mmmm the ocean wave sounds, the warm sand between my toes, the sensation of the sun giving me cancer...AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYY
I feel much better now.
I don't know about you, but I see babies everywhere! It's making me a little baby crazy at the moment it's scary! I don't want a baby anytime soon but seeing babies and pregnant women all over the place is making me want one. It's really bad propaganda trying to get me to procreate...yes, that's it! I'm seeing it all over t.v and movies. Also weddings! All I see on t.v is bride this, baby that. I have a live-in boyfriend who I love to bits that I plan on marrying but not anytime soon. First, we're young. Second, we're poor. Third, we both don't have our shit together. Well, at least I don't. We're both in the arts so it would be nice to get that somewhat on track before bringing in anything that will kill us! I can't even take care of my hair, I don't think I could take care of a baby. Oh god, look! I'm talking about having a baby! AAAHHH! I have vacation and baby fever!! Some slash water in my face!
Okay, I'm calm, I'm cool. I need a break.

Any jobs out there?

2009-04-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I just had a fun filled week for job hunting. I had two interviews and no such luck. In a perfect world, I would work three nights a week serving, making decent cash and auditioning at least 3 times a week. My agent hasn't been very responsive to me coming in and seeing her. The last time I saw her was before Christmas break...YEAH! I have been trying forever to see her but no such luck. I haven't gotten many auditions lately either. Getting a little on edge. I'm trying to do as much as I can lately with making videos and putting them on youtube. Check out one video I did with my podcast group: wtfij
I'm 22 and no such luck in my field. Turns out stress as well as time isn't on my side. Being a 22 year-old actress in Hollywood is like being middle aged in "normal" land. I'm at my prime and have gotten nowhere. Honestly, I'm not too sure how much I'll like Hollywood if I ever do make it. I think I would just want to be one of those actors you always see in a bunch of films but never know who they are. If I could actually make a living as an actor for the rest of my life I would be the luckiest bitch ever.
I've been in a temporary band recently. I joined "League of Rock" (it's a cool organization for people that have day jobs but have always wanted to be in a rock band go. They get put into bands, rehearse for a few weeks and perform a few live shows and get recording time in a studio to record one of their songs. You should check it out, it's awesome!)
Anywho, my band (King James and Big Blues) are performing at Rock and Roll Heaven this Wed and it's the last time we'll be playing. It's kind of sad. I've never been in a band before and it was pretty intimidating being with such amazing musicians. I've only played drums with my dad (who's a drummer) and his jam buddies. I've been playing drums my whole life but just for shits and giggles. We just finished recording an original song our singer wrote (who is awesome) and it's not too band considering it was the first time we really played together as a whole band... yeah there was some drama but what's rock and roll without the drama?
So that's what I've been up to lately. A whole lot of nothing. I'm one of those people that thrives on being busy. I really love that feeling of having to be somewhere all the time. Sure, it's nice chilling at home now and then but after a while it starts to depress me. I've been sick lately so I'm just trying to stay relaxed so I don't go nuts. Stress makes me sick and being sick only slows me down and makes me feel icky.
I'm trying to exercise and eat better...the key word is "trying". I wouldn't mind the working out part, if I wasn't so poorly out of shape. I went jogging a few days ago and took about five flights of stairs up to my apartment and felt like my heart was going to explode! I think, if you're in good shape you can do more, you'll feel less like a chump. When I was a kid, I took tae kwon do for four years and almost made it to black belt but lost interest. I wish I had the same flexibility and awesomeness I had then. Now I'm just one of those beginner joggers that you can hear gasping for air ten feet behind you. I'm just waiting for that day where I can zoom by people and point and laugh at them as I pass by yelling, "later suckers!!! BAHAHAHAHAH" maybe not like that exactly... but you get my drift. I want to be in awesome shape so whenever I feel like climbing buildings or punching someone in the face, I can! It'll be so awesome... I'm also taking a stab at yoga. I tried it once and wanted to rip off my leg and beat the creepy instructor in the video with it. It's been some time and I do need to relax more and get some flexibility and whatever the benefits yoga does...
Here it goes!! I'm trying to get closer to the dream!! Watch out!!

Weeee!!!

2009-04-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

Hello World!!

This is scary...I'm a virgin blogger and completely clueless when it comes to websites and computers, but I'm here and you are reading this...hey!
So what's new? Oh, I guess I just write and you read... got it.
Yeah...so I guess I should start by talking about myself...cool.
I am 22 years old, female...an actress to be more specific. I'm in the big city - well, one of the big cities (Toronto) and I'm just trying to get out there and make it. I haven't had much success due to the whole starving actor syndrome. I moved out of my folks place last year and that was a bit rocky... I lost my job as soon as I moved and that whole year I had probably more jobs than most people have had in their life. You name it, I did it. I had no shame, whatever paid the rent I did - and I didn't do anything illegal so you can take that out of your minds thanks.
All I've done lately is community theatre, sketch comedy, stand-up, student filmsand commercials. I'm still trying to figure out where I fit (I'm going towards comedy).
At the moment I'm just trying to put my hand into every cookie jar that's out there. I love writing almost as much as I love acting so I'm also pursuing that.
Anywho, stay tuned!